cuz DAMN

2008 has been shit. so was 2007, but ’08, much worse. i don’t wish them on any one. if you made it through the past two years without incident, then good for you. me. life sucked. i lost people close to me. my problem is that i’m not equipped emotionally to deal with this. i close down. i bottle up. i go on. i just go on. work is draining, i hate my job. i takes me from the people i need to be near, but i’m too attached to the money to leave. well, not exactly. i’ve lived on less before. i think i dislike change more than i like the money. plus, the money lets me do the things for others that i couldn’t do before. that helps… a little. i’m so sleep deprived and stressed by work that i haven’t had much time to think about the past two years. i haven’t had time to think period. that is good. i dwell too much on past mistakes. i don’t regret them, by any means. i try to not regret things, too much baggage to carry. but, i do feel that they could have turned out differently. that’s beside the point. i was pleasantly numb recently, and then (insert ominous music) i got some free time and decided to browse the internet and came across a blog from Molly McAleer. then it all hit me again. fuck. oh, well. back to life. then i followed a link in her blog and…well,…fuck. i feel for these people, which i weird. it’s rare that i feel anything for people that i do not know, or affect people i know, but this hit me pretty hard. maybe it’s because i can relate. not sure what that says about me. not sure i care anymore. (and, just for good measure) fuck…………………………………………